A promise I made to myself, for this month, was that I was going to write (and post!) every week, because I haven't done much at all since August(!) Writing has always been my escape. My personal release. I'll admit that I've been writing a lot outside of technology, because there is no audience. I've become so conscious of the world that exists out there.. and I find a lot of it to be so confusing. From open ended Facebook statuses seeking questions and comfort, and in some cases argument or debate; to passive-aggressive Tweets that maybe say we're not expressing our needs in the proper place or fashion. Sometimes, I don't even know how to express anymore. And so, I do so elsewhere.
I didn't really notice it until I came back to the city, just how disconnected the world is from.. the world, and from ourselves. When I lived on the island, I had to learn how to connect with my new and unfamiliar surroundings by being present; without the internet as a safety net for introductions. I didn't think I was capable of approaching strangers, without feeling somewhat awkward or shy in my usual fashion; because I'd listened to the opinions of others so heavily. "Closed off", reserved, snobbish, aloof, and my favourite "self involved". I believed in these labels so heavily, until I actually got to see myself for who I really am, by being myself, by myself. The more I allowed it, and trusted it, and listened fully to who I am as a person; the more I saw strangers approaching me, sitting with me, talking, sharing, and leaving me with incredible words about how comforting, real, honest, and open I am. This IS me. Real, true, amazing, and profound connections; which taught me to see myself for who I am, and not for how others choose to see me. I didn't realize that when I left the island and returned to my familiar surroundings, that it was going to appear entirely different than when I left it. I'd come back more self aware and confident in my own skin, and yet, so insecure about who was going to accept it. The harsh labels I'd been given as guidance to change, from people who I had once assumed were my friends; were only an expression of their own expectations. I can't be more than anything but myself.
Thank goodness I made it this far. Writing is so good for my soul.