I guess it's fair to say that living on my own hasn't always been easy, but it is something I have learned to enjoy through the years. It's the first time in my life where I've been in control of where I go, and where I stay, and for how long. There's a certain sense of security I find in it; which I can't get enough of. It makes me feel somewhat rebellious in a way. No one can tell me what to do. It's just me, and my dog roommate.

I'd say my biggest challenge of being on my own, is learning about self love. I'm quick to neglect myself, often not out of intention but just out of where I choose to focus my energy. I'm very work oriented, I love my dog, and I'm also a hardcore dreamer. Lately, I've been taking more time to consider the things that I need in my life, and from that a lot has changed. Bit by bit, I take the time to change what isn't working.

From writing in a journal, I'm starting to listen more to my needs in life, and that I actually have dreams I wish to pursue. I never chose to take those things seriously, simply because I thought they were just that. Dreams. It's true that you can make some of your dreams a reality, if you try. I just hadn't bothered.

It's good to dream. I think it keeps us going as human beings, to think of something that may just urge us in the proper direction. Not everything has to work out, and failure is a part of the experience. I knew that when I came to Edmonton, three years ago, that I wanted to make something more out of myself. I've learned a great deal. The mistakes, the hardships, the challenges, the successes ;it's all incredibly rewarding. I think in some ways, I may have fallen off the responsibility train, in regards to myself, because it was easy to push those things aside, and focus on everything else. Everything is good, and yet I don't quite feel fulfilled.

I know that because of that, I don't want to put these things off any longer. I can still do what I'm doing, so long as I'm not continuing to ignore the things that actually matter to me. It's the scariest thing, because the outcome is a mystery. It's like standing on the edge of a high dive, asking myself if I jump in head first, with my toes.. and do I close my eyes, plug my nose... This metaphor is weird. I just know I need to do more to acknowledge what my insides are trying to tell me. Take the leap. You don't know until you try.

I haven't given myself much credit in my time on my own, and I'm only just opening up to the concept that anything is possible. With the process of another move on the go, I get this sense of starting over. Change always brings out new purpose, and I think this will do me some good this time around. It's just me and my dog, as per usual.. and so far, we're doing alright. Together we can conquer anything.

Sunday, I wrote this in my journal:
You spend a lot of time focusing on what you're not, over what you are. Stop listening to what you're used to hearing, and tell yourself something new. You can kick a lot of balls that way. 


liking a viking

Bugs Bunny is the hottest viking I know. Sketch of the day #VIKINGS

my dad

Father's day has always been a bit of a weird day for me, and I would be lying if I said it didn't make me feel a little bit empty in some ways. Often, my conflict of the day involves questioning whether I should go out of my way, to even wish my dad a happy father's day; when he hasn't remembered my birthday in over 5 years. For me, I'm a give what you get sort of person; yet there's a part of me that feels a bit off for pretending not to acknowledge the day for what it is. He's my father, no matter what.

Fathers are kind of funny figures, at least in my life and experiences. My dad left when I was 5, and made it very clear that he didn't want any children. I'm sure I've been told flat out, more than once, how it wasn't his choice, yet he has 5 'surprises' running around in this world. He's never been one to go out of his way for anyone, and I've never expected him to do more than what he already does. His ways of saying hi to me, are to send emails about the world and what I should fear or hate about it. I don't appreciate this sort of energy, so I have learned to cast him aside. It's not an easy job since I say to myself, he's my father.. no matter what.

I'd say I have created my own concept of who my father is, to help fill the void of what he's not. We don't have a lot in common, other than the fact that we can draw. Originally, it was my way of trying to get closer to him or at least gain some of his attention. When my early attempts failed hard, I took what I had and made something more out of it. It was a pretty big accomplishment when he told me later in life that I had surpassed his own capabilities, and that he was proud of who I had become, but that wasn't what I was after. I gave up trying to gain his approval a long time ago. I guess that's why our relationship works, in what I have created out of it.

He may not say hello, or ask me how I am, or even know when I was born, but that's fine because I don't need it. I'd love it, but I've given up on hoping for him to be something he's not. If I had to say something nice about my dad and what I love about him, I'd say that he gives really warm hugs. Any time I've gone to see him, he insists that I give him a hug before I leave. With both hands, he holds me close, and that is something I will treasure so long as he is my father... no matter what.


princess: sleeping beauty

Sleeping Beauty is probably one of my favorite Disney movies -of many- because of its unique style. I've always enjoyed this scene, because of how creepy it is. The sounds, the colors, the textures. Effective storytelling, Disney. There is so much to love about this classic. #sleepingbeauty #sketch_dailies

princess: jasmine

I've been drawing a lot of Disney princesses lately, for fun. Today is Princess Jasmine. Now, it's time to go play in the sun... while it's shining. #happysunday