see for companionship

Just moments ago, I had to break up -another- dog fight. For some time now, I've noticed major differences in my boy; and it has to do with his eyes. He's losing his vision, and pretty quick.

This year has been an absolute mess of change, especially when it comes to health. I don't really need to recap what's up with my own health (see previous posts) but I can say it has been pretty rocky. While Breakfast is the -healthy- Michael Phelps of playtime, his vision was brought to my attention about a year ago. I was told it was cataracts, and that they could eventually leave him blind over the span of a few years. I'd say that in this year alone, I've noticed a drastic difference in his behaviour, already.

I've been told by so many people, that dogs just naturally go blind, and they live their lives happy as can be. Sure, he never complains. Dogs are amazing that way. The trouble is that this completely alters our lifestyle, because it is becoming dangerous to be around other dogs (because he can't see and becomes defensive.) While this is a super sad reality to face, and a little embarrassing, I hate to admit that the idea of keeping him secluded, for safety, makes my own anxiety run around in all directions. I didn't get a dog to stay indoors, to walk him in a baby stroller (what is that?) or to avoid the outside world for his own safety. Introvert or not, you might be surprised to know that I got a dog for the opposite reasons.

Breakfast is the reason why I go outside every single day. When we first moved to this city, I had no idea where I was. To get to know our surroundings, I was able to get out, go for long walks with the comfort of his company; and figure out where we were. It helped me find my way back home (intentionally getting lost is fun) and it also helped me meet the people I know today. We have a number of really cool acquaintances who I never would have met, if it wasn't for him. I rely on him for a social connection, just as he relies on me for a bit of the same thing. Sadly, his intros to new dogs has been a bit of a hit and miss, lately, because he can't trust without seeing clearly. With this major shift in our groove, I can't say I'm welcoming to the idea of just letting nature take its course, and accept the sad reality that my best friend is going blind.

If we're going to get into the "just a dog" talk, you can leave now. If you want to talk about the money involved, and how it could be spent on other things, we may have differences in our perception of value. Everyone has an opinion. Take away the dog and the reality is a massive loss in connection. I got a dog to make sure to go outside (every day, multiple times), to push my comforts, to be around strangers, to mingle with crowds, to meet new faces, to converse on days I'd likely go about it alone; to share stories with others about the big time love that these little lives provide. It's amazing to connect with perfect strangers, and relate to that common bond, based on love. Dogs are magical little beings, and I think the world could use more of them. MORE love, please!

Breakfast is an incredible soul. He's contagiously happy, and often encourages others to play without even directly inviting them in. He is my inner child on 4 legs. Everything is a game, and there's always a reason to play. Even on my toughest of days, he has been there, to make me smile, and to make sure I get back on my feet again. He even got me running after him, this summer, to exercise and enjoy the freeness of racing through the grass. He is a fountain of youth who needs to play. It's weird to see that shift when he suddenly gets lost, loses sight of the game, or even in some cases... runs into me when he's running toward the glare of the sun. Those things are certainly safe (and comical, yes) when it's just the two of us. But, the rest of the world, sadly.. they don't know. It's where someone can get hurt, and I really can't stand that added tension. Isolation isn't helpful to anyone who enjoys giving so much as we do. Ask either one of us to just stop, it's not going to happen. I got a dog to live in and enjoy this world, not to hide from it.

So, once my own mess of health tests and pokes and whatnot are sorted, it looks like B is next in line for a push in the right direction. I feel this is such a massive year for major alterations toward the better, the more positive, the more honest, and the literal seeing more clearly. I have no idea how this is going to go down, but it can only go up from here. Fingers crossed, and deep breaths. I want my boy back, to see the world as it is, to be safe from the unknown (as other dogs will approach), and live his happiest days the way he has always seen them. I feel it's not only best for him, but for both of us. There's still so much of this world to see, together!

I will be keeping up with this and problem solving for possible crowd funding and art tradesies. There is always a way to share the love from all sides.


Twisted Cyster

Just writing a little something about the status of my health situation. If you can believe it, I'm still waiting for tests to confirm what's going on inside my body (since June). With my CT scan approaching at the end of this month, I'd like to think that surgery won't be too far around the corner. Get this jerk out!

Overall, I'm feeling okay. I'm a little sore at times, often tired, and occasionally uneasy. Doctors are still running tests on my kidneys, my chest, my stomach, my hormones, my adrenals, blood.. you name it. It's exhausting, but I'm happy (and nervous) for getting the answers I need, in order to get better. The hope is that the removal of this (4") beast will help the rest of my body shift back to normal again. I'm keeping my thoughts in a positive place, eating healthy meals to boost my heart and mind, exercising, meditating, resting when needed. It's all I can do for now, while the waiting game continues. 2 more weeks and we'll be closer to the answers we need. In the meantime, take care of yourself, and go get the answers; if you feel you have questions about your health. It might be scary to ask, and get tests done, but you don't want to wait for it to become an answer you don't want to hear. Fingers crossed about the upcoming tests, and surgery to follow.

Will share more of this process as I go. Thank you all for your support through this sh*t!