home sweet home

It feels wrong to complain about missing things, when I am lucky enough to have such things. I have a bed to sleep on, a loving supportive family (including my friends), a place to call home. It was moving day today. It was exciting, but I felt it in my gut that something would go wrong. My storage unit was broken into, and my things were stolen. I don't really feel much, to be honest. Mostly numb. So numb from this entire experience.

It feels gross when someone has clearly invaded your space. It is saddening to know that people will steal without any remorse or conscience of what they're actually doing. The big black footprints on my couch are a reminder that someone was there. I look at those footprints and see someone who is likely sad. No, not all people are terrible. Some are, and I feel bad for them. I can only hope they learn how to live more kindly. Or maybe karma comes in a box similar to the one that they broke into.

While it is a mess, and yet more headache to deal with, when I'd hoped it was all over; it's a certain loss that leaves room for something new. I mean, I have things to replace with new things, and things are things. I went 6 months without those things, and though it was sad to see what had happened today; there's always a way to fix these losses by focusing on what you have over what you don't. I have much to be happy for...

I have a place to call home. That's where the heart is.



I made a list the other day, to encourage even more positive use of time. I want to see how this benefits my state of mind, my lifestyle, my work, and my energy. I was surprised by what I put on this list, but I have to admit it makes me kind of excited to try it. This is what I wrote:

No Facebook
For the month of March, I have decided to drop my personal Facebook profile. I have a variety of reasons why, and will write more about it, to see if distance provides a different perspective. My business functions entirely online, I don't really want my relationships to follow the same route.

Need Nature
Ever since being in BC, I realize that nature is where I'm the happiest. Being back in the city has been a bit of a culture shock for me, and I feel it's necessary to get outside more and see what actually matters in this world. I miss the trees, the stars, mountains and lakes. Fortunately, they're not far away.

Swing & Skate afternoon at City Hall. Photo by @contessabessa

I feel like I have a load of friends who I need to reach out to, and get together with more often. I put it on my list, to go out with at least one new person, every other week, for a date/meal; for the sake of having real, live -sans distractions- conversation. This city is filled with amazing people, and it's why I chose to come back in the first place.

I work online, so I am structuring a proper schedule where my time is more clear; with actual slots and deadlines used on my computer. I can glaze over in front of a screen far too easily, and that alone is a drainer from how I spend my time. I hope that killing the distractions will open more time with my blog, and my business identity. Those are the things that I often put off, because of time fillers and mindless procrastination.

The more I hear people say that they don't need to talk to anyone because they can see what's up on Facebook, the more I feel that I really don't like the concept of social media; leading to antisocial behaviour. When's the last time you picked up the phone and called a friend? Hmm. This may be a new habit, too.

It'll be interesting to see how this all goes down. I'm planning on writing about it in March, to see if it does actually help point my life, and my time, in a more positive direction.


take and make time

I've spent so much time trying to write about time, I see that I'm falling into the vacuum of wasting it. While I don't think process is a waste at all, there is a time when you have to say that you're thinking things too far, that it is actually holding back any form of progress. It's a theme I want to write about, because I have much to say about how we perceive and even value time. If you want to say you don't have the time for things, stop reading this post. There is always time. Always. You just have to value it properly.

If I hear one more time, "it must be nice to have so much time to do what you do..." I might just barf in a jar and hand it back to that person. That might sound rude, but so is implying that my time is so open to doing whatever I want... at all times. Of course, I can say I get to create as my job and profession, which is super cool, but there's an absolute disconnect from work and play. Both take time and balance, just like every other responsibility in our day to day lives. It's a matter of setting up your priorities. Only you know what is best for you.

Often, my struggle is taking more time for myself. To fix that issue, I'm turning it into a habit, to make more time for it. Even if I start with 5 minutes of time to focus only on myself, that's time. And if anyone thinks that it's selfish to put any amount of time into no one but myself; they can go be friends with someone else. Dropping those who don't value you and your time, opens up more time for better things, and even better people. I've seen significant changes in that regard.

I don't need to get into how busy my day is on a regular basis, because we all have lives filled with various responsibilities. Rather than complain about the time we think we don't have, we should brag more about how we've used it to our full advantage. I don't watch TV, I don't play games online, I don't talk to people who don't value me as a person, and I have started turning my phone off earlier and earlier in the evening; because it makes time for more time. The more I stop wasting time on the wrong things, the more I welcome time for the right things. It's gradual, with big results.

People love to waste time and complain about it later, like it wasn't their responsibility to use it for what it was. Look at how many of us go Christmas shopping at the very last minute, when yet, Christmas is talked about for at least 2 months before it arrives. We all procrastinate, and we all over think things before we begin them. If we can acknowledge our procrastination before it gets in the way of what we want and expect of ourselves, we might end up with some really positive results. I know, I know; it's far easier to pace than to face the challenges.

I find personal challenges to be helpful. I tend to create challenges, weekly (wrestlers), and sometimes even daily, for the sake of something to look forward to. Often, when I give myself a day to finish something, I don't have time to think too much about it, I just get it done. That's how I got in touch with my sketchbook again, when I jumped into the Sketch Dailies on Twitter. It was a short exercise to practice creativity on a daily basis. This is something I encourage to anyone who wants to get back in touch with their creative side. Don't have time to test out a few minutes each day? Don't make me hand that jar of barf back to you. If you want something positive and beneficial to your state of mind to be a part of your life, you work to make it happen.

There are a variety of things that can waste our time, and I would say that anticipation stands in the way of proceeding with focus and confidence. Anticipation fixates on the entire process, rather than the small moments that lead to progress. When we don't enjoy the process, we exhaust the fun before it even begins. I tend to find that grownups are pros at ignoring the fun that comes with taking time to do things that matter. If laying down a layer of paint is a waste of time, you'll never see a finished painting. I often like to play with my paints before I figure out what I am actually painting, because it's enjoyable to jump in without solid plans or rules. This is why personal projects are essential to the creative process. Letting our minds explore naturally is where we discover the most about our thoughts.

I went two years without drawing, when I finished college, because I spent too much time on the wrong things. I was worried about what others thought of me, and I see that this is a common issue with people who want to get back into being creative. We make this weird assumption that someone is going to see what we're working on, and maybe even judge us for the ugly stuff. I did this, at least. I felt that if I wasn't making something 'useful' it wasn't worth the time and effort. Sad. Imagine if I still functioned that way. I'd be sitting with an empty canvas, still to this day. Turn off your imaginary audience, and you can make whatever you want! No one is there to judge you but yourself.

When I get stuck with my work, I waste a lot of time fixating on time. I think about how much more I have yet to do before I can say I'm done, or I think about the process without taking the time to enjoy it fully. When I ask someone about a hobby they love, and their response is something along the lines of, "but, it takes so long!" I like to ask why that's a problem. If it takes you 1 hour of every Sunday, for 3 Sundays, why is that a problem when it results in something that is special to you? Why does it have to be finished so quickly when you're setting your own deadlines?

With my everyday work, I often set timers for myself, for 45 minutes each. This helps me focus on that one thing for that time frame; so I don't get stuck on the other things I have yet to do. This has worked for me significantly. It also shows me how much time 45 minutes really is. Try it out and see what you think of it because, damn, I was shocked by how much I could get finished in 45 minutes. If you have a hobby you want to make more time for, set the clock for 5 minutes and work your way up. Soon enough, that hobby becomes a habit. Habits take time to create. Creating is a great habit to have.

Lastly, the biggest time waster, standing in our way of having fun, is comparison. Comparison is basically an asshole.. or whatever Teddy Roosevelt said. I firmly stand by this motto because if I could hand out more jars of barf to the people who won't join me creatively because they think I'll sit back and compare their skills to my own; I'd be empty. I absolutely loathe this comment, because it's only an excuse that is placed onto me; when it isn't even how I think! I encourage self expression, because that's what creativity is! We're all so different, and that's what makes us amazing. Comparison is only a cop out from facing our insecurities. If you want to draw as well as me, then put in the practice. If you just want to be able to draw, the way you naturally do, and enjoy it for what it is; then quit moping and do it. The only person putting you down is yourself. That's what comparison is. Stop making me look like a dick, when I'm the one encouraging the fun.

I realize I have a lot of stuff to write about, in regards to time wasting and creative energy building. Before I take more time to try to spill it all at once and then leave without posting, I'll end it here, by saying that if you love something enough, make the time.

Time to do something about it.