pinch pinch

I have tried to write this about a dozen times, and I think the trick is to just get it down; before I decide to press delete or save to draft. Truth is, I'm over the moon, and it is such a struggle to get the words out properly. So many thoughts at once. I just want to share all the words. Where do I begin?

Moustache month. Nacho Libre. An inspiring character when it comes to determination and self belief.

If I haven't already said thank you enough, I feel I still need to make it clear how incredibly grateful I am for the endless support from everyone around me. Since my story aired on CTV News, I've been receiving a massive amount of Go Fund Me donations, as well as messages of encouragement, praise, and delight for what I'm doing. I'm not entirely sure which one I have most trouble accepting, as I still feel terribly modest about the entire situation. I am overwhelmed, you guys. In the best way possible. Didn't expect this to be what it has so suddenly become, today. It hits me in waves of stomach butterflies and surprised eyes. It's happening.

My face when I saw my Go Fund Me goal had been reached, and exceeded. 

I'm trying to record the process, not only for myself, but for the people who have taken the time to voice their personal gratitude for being inspired by my strength to pursue what I believe in. The truth is, I'm prone to weakness just like anyone else, and I didn't fully recognize my strengths, until I answered a very important question, that I jotted down in my journal. If you woke up tomorrow as someone else, what part of yourself would you want back? What would you wish you had done, while you were you? I took some time to think that one through, and came up with a surprising list. Perhaps we need to do these sorts of things for ourselves more often. Personal strength and confidence is a constant work in progress. Know what makes you rad, write it out, and then share it with the world!

I'd say that from this experience, I'm realizing that while the cheering team around me keeps me fuelled and motivated, it is my internal cheering team that needs to keep up with the demand of taking this on full tilt. I'm my own worst critic, and I have to be careful not to push myself too hard and into a corner. I'm human, and not every day is a forward boost. I know when to take breaks and step away. Forcing it down steals the fun out of the experience, so I just go with it. When you stop overreacting, and start giving the right things your full attention; the negative forces grow tired and get bored. They'll leave you be and find someone else to bother. Just be aware of when they try to creep back in and mess up your vision.

Was taking notes, and it turned into Busta Rhymes. 

I've been exercising my creativity for months, by making my art my hobby again. The snobbiest of artists would throw their berets in disgust at this word, when it comes to describing their work and creative passion. A hobby can be seen as something simpleminded, like bird watching, collecting stamps, or making a scrapbook; but a hobby is something we do for leisure. This is where my work began, so I'm going back to my roots of doing it entirely my way. Bringing the fun back into the swing of it has helped me immensely. Get back in touch with your hobbies, it'll become your job when you're ready again. It's surprising what happens when you do what comes more naturally, than what you're expected.

One of my Sketch Dailies made it into Conan O'Brien's online gallery Coco Moca. Crazy.

The whole point of this challenge isn't set up to be the definition of success, by landing a gig at Disney and nothing else. My goal is to try, and just see what happens when I do finish up my project, and hand it over to the guy with the mouse ears. I'm not setting myself up for any sort of disaster through expectation. If anything, I'm making myself become more curious about the possibilities, by simply taking each day as a step closer to reaching a goal that I've often seen as completely unrealistic. It's just so big! I've never taken it seriously, and still have a hard time talking about it without laughing awkwardly. It's big, super big. You don't just hand over your sketchbook and say "hey, I like Disney movies, and I can draw Simba pretty good." Or maybe that's all there is to it? Maybe I'm going about this all wrong.

I'd say if you have a dream, pursue it, without relying on it to happen instantaneously, or look at all the way you might see it in your head. I have no idea what to expect, and that's part of what makes it fun. Where will I be this time next year, I wonder. If I've learned so much in only a matter of days, how big will my brains be a year from now? Pretty big, I hope.

To keep from rambling on forever, I'm going to leave by saying that I'm doing my absolute best to believe in the words of those around me and really absorb them for what they are. For years, people have said to me "you're going to be famous, don't forget the little guys, your name is going to be in the end credits of a Disney movie one day.." and my reaction  has always been to laugh it off, nod, or smile in humor of their fantasies. I've only just begun to take in those words for what they are, and realize, I have something in me that people notice as something worth sharing. I may not see my name in lights, or experience my loved ones pawning off my drawings on eBay to make a fortune, but I do see that if I don't try.. I'll never know. Go try out a dream or two and see where it takes you.

Seriously, you guys. Pinch me.

winter time

It's blanket season, which means sharing an armchair becomes even more challenging, for me. Breakfast insists on touching, when he sleeps, or else he'll sit and stare at me. While I try to appreciate the extra heat he provides, it's amazing how something so small can't take up so much space.

yo october

I've been really enjoying October, for a variety of reasons. It's the season of change ... and dying things? The leaves are almost done falling, the memories of summer have passed, and the air is getting noticeably crisp. Winter is coming, which means it's almost time to get into heavy concentration mode and crack down on this massive personal project of mine. Remember, Disney? Eeeeeeeek!

Sketch Dailies topic: Jekyll & Mr. Hyde.
Looks like Mads Mikkelsen.. because I became obsessed with the Hannibal series. 

To warm myself up, before the snow falls, I have been doing a variety of daily projects; for the sake of making a routine out of being creative, without running myself dry. Sitting on a computer all day can be tough, so I've been taking time away from digital, to get back into traditional forms of execution. It has also been so nice outside, I have been taking my sketchbook everywhere with me. Gotta enjoy it while we can, right?

Instagram: #screamqueenhalloween Topic: Halloween mask. Did you know that Michael Myers is a William Shatner mask, painted white?

In October, there's something called Inktober. It's an excuse to pick up the pens and make stuff. Fortunately, with Halloween content, it has been super fun. I almost forgot that I like to fiddle with the dark and sinister, and drift away from the cutesy. It has been a nice reminder for me to get back in touch with my sketchbook, and learn to love the imperfections of doing things off screen. I'm going to take this habit into November, for sure. 

Sketch Dailies topic: Edward Scissorhands

For months, I've been keeping up with the Sketch Dailies, when I can. It's probably one of my favorite forms of social media. There is a wicked amount of talent out there, and I always enjoy seeing what sorts of ideas people come up with. Also, I've 'met' a lot of incredible artists this way. I wish we could just all get together and draw! Such an inspiring crowd to be a part of.

October also marked our second Crafternoon. I threw together some Halloween treat bags, met up for some warm beverages and waffles, and had a nice giveaway prize for those who showed. It's becoming a monthly thing, so I look forward to getting to know all of the wonderful crafty types that live in this city, especially during the months where we're forced indoors. Don't make stuff? Come along for a warm beverage and conversation. We have coloring books! Hooray, Crafternoon!

Instagram: #screamqueenhalloween Topic: Favorite Scary Movie: Silence of the Lambs. 

Instagram: #screamqueenhalloween Topic: Play Dead

I've also been participating in an Instagram daily challenge, for the month. This one involves different Halloween themes, from your favorite scary movie, to playing dead. I've had fun with this. I like daily creative challenges. I highly recommend them for getting into the habit of making stuff. Thanks for the Halloween fun, #screamqueenhalloween !!

Happy October!

thanks me

I decided to start off my Thanksgiving weekend by taking the dog out for a walk in our old neighbourhood. We go there quite often, actually, maybe every other week. I just like the vibe more than our current neighbourhood (more social), though this outing was for the sake of clarity and reflection. It's nice to be reminded how far we've come.

Our tree, in Old Strathcona

I'm a bit nostalgic, and while some may say that considering the past is a form of dwelling, I see it as a means of gathering the material of oneself. I am who I am because of my experiences, and for that, I am thankful to be who I am today. How often do we take time to be thankful for who we are?

When I say that "we've" come so far, most definitely, I am referring to my fuzzy companion, Breakfast Jones. It's incredible to think that he has been in my life now for over four years, and has never failed to make me smile every single day. It hasn't been an easy journey (having moved three times in the last three years), but he has shown me that anywhere can feel like home; so long as there is a blanket or ray of sunshine to curl up in at the end of the day. If he could understand English, I'd say it has been an honour, being his best friend. I don't think he finds me half bad either.

There is a strange feeling inside me, that is convinced this will be our last winter in this city. It's a very strange and almost dizzying sensation, especially when I see myself taking that thought more seriously; that we are on our way toward bigger and better things. In a way, it has helped me look forward to the approaching season; for the sake of taking it all in before it's over. I've never felt this way before. Change is very cool.

There will come a day when we will no longer be able to sit under what has become "our tree", but until then, we will continue to visit, and revisit our thoughts/memories. It's nice to walk away from something that was once so unfamiliar, and remind myself that I have so much to be thankful for. With all that I've experienced, with all that I've learned, with all that I've taken with me, to be stored in the teeny compartments that make up my heart, I feel I'm a pretty clever, determined (another word for stubborn), sensitive, grounded, and appreciative person.

Thanks me, you're alright.

go fund me

As my animation project becomes more and more real, I realize that maybe it's time for an upgrade. My computer is about 5-6 years old now, so any command takes minutes to process. I don't like asking for help, but I thought why not see what happens. The internet is a bit of a powerful place.. so here I am, putting it out there. I feel this request for a new computer/software makes my goal seem far more real than it did even a day ago. I just want to keep it going. New equipment is a must.

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