pinch pinch

I have tried to write this about a dozen times, and I think the trick is to just get it down; before I decide to press delete or save to draft. Truth is, I'm over the moon, and it is such a struggle to get the words out properly. So many thoughts at once. I just want to share all the words. Where do I begin?

Moustache month. Nacho Libre. An inspiring character when it comes to determination and self belief.

If I haven't already said thank you enough, I feel I still need to make it clear how incredibly grateful I am for the endless support from everyone around me. Since my story aired on CTV News, I've been receiving a massive amount of Go Fund Me donations, as well as messages of encouragement, praise, and delight for what I'm doing. I'm not entirely sure which one I have most trouble accepting, as I still feel terribly modest about the entire situation. I am overwhelmed, you guys. In the best way possible. Didn't expect this to be what it has so suddenly become, today. It hits me in waves of stomach butterflies and surprised eyes. It's happening.

My face when I saw my Go Fund Me goal had been reached, and exceeded. 

I'm trying to record the process, not only for myself, but for the people who have taken the time to voice their personal gratitude for being inspired by my strength to pursue what I believe in. The truth is, I'm prone to weakness just like anyone else, and I didn't fully recognize my strengths, until I answered a very important question, that I jotted down in my journal. If you woke up tomorrow as someone else, what part of yourself would you want back? What would you wish you had done, while you were you? I took some time to think that one through, and came up with a surprising list. Perhaps we need to do these sorts of things for ourselves more often. Personal strength and confidence is a constant work in progress. Know what makes you rad, write it out, and then share it with the world!

I'd say that from this experience, I'm realizing that while the cheering team around me keeps me fuelled and motivated, it is my internal cheering team that needs to keep up with the demand of taking this on full tilt. I'm my own worst critic, and I have to be careful not to push myself too hard and into a corner. I'm human, and not every day is a forward boost. I know when to take breaks and step away. Forcing it down steals the fun out of the experience, so I just go with it. When you stop overreacting, and start giving the right things your full attention; the negative forces grow tired and get bored. They'll leave you be and find someone else to bother. Just be aware of when they try to creep back in and mess up your vision.

Was taking notes, and it turned into Busta Rhymes. 

I've been exercising my creativity for months, by making my art my hobby again. The snobbiest of artists would throw their berets in disgust at this word, when it comes to describing their work and creative passion. A hobby can be seen as something simpleminded, like bird watching, collecting stamps, or making a scrapbook; but a hobby is something we do for leisure. This is where my work began, so I'm going back to my roots of doing it entirely my way. Bringing the fun back into the swing of it has helped me immensely. Get back in touch with your hobbies, it'll become your job when you're ready again. It's surprising what happens when you do what comes more naturally, than what you're expected.

One of my Sketch Dailies made it into Conan O'Brien's online gallery Coco Moca. Crazy.

The whole point of this challenge isn't set up to be the definition of success, by landing a gig at Disney and nothing else. My goal is to try, and just see what happens when I do finish up my project, and hand it over to the guy with the mouse ears. I'm not setting myself up for any sort of disaster through expectation. If anything, I'm making myself become more curious about the possibilities, by simply taking each day as a step closer to reaching a goal that I've often seen as completely unrealistic. It's just so big! I've never taken it seriously, and still have a hard time talking about it without laughing awkwardly. It's big, super big. You don't just hand over your sketchbook and say "hey, I like Disney movies, and I can draw Simba pretty good." Or maybe that's all there is to it? Maybe I'm going about this all wrong.

I'd say if you have a dream, pursue it, without relying on it to happen instantaneously, or look at all the way you might see it in your head. I have no idea what to expect, and that's part of what makes it fun. Where will I be this time next year, I wonder. If I've learned so much in only a matter of days, how big will my brains be a year from now? Pretty big, I hope.

To keep from rambling on forever, I'm going to leave by saying that I'm doing my absolute best to believe in the words of those around me and really absorb them for what they are. For years, people have said to me "you're going to be famous, don't forget the little guys, your name is going to be in the end credits of a Disney movie one day.." and my reaction  has always been to laugh it off, nod, or smile in humor of their fantasies. I've only just begun to take in those words for what they are, and realize, I have something in me that people notice as something worth sharing. I may not see my name in lights, or experience my loved ones pawning off my drawings on eBay to make a fortune, but I do see that if I don't try.. I'll never know. Go try out a dream or two and see where it takes you.

Seriously, you guys. Pinch me.

1 comment:

Scream Queen B said...
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