the art of the battle

The thing about being a working artist is that it's a bit of a war game; to roll with the punches, find your steady ground, and keep up with the unpredictability of it all. It's a tough and constant battle, but one I'm really learning to love as I go. Some weeks are easy coasting, while other weeks can be a major challenge, with very little rest in between. My mind is a busy one, so it makes sense to keep myself just as busy, without burning out in the process. I can't afford to lose my pace. The go-go-go is how I work, naturally, so I feel I'm being pushed in the right way. I'm focused in the evening, and planning my attack during the day. For someone who bores easily, by nature, this is a good place for me to be. Always changing, and always focused forward on how to survive.

This past month has really shown me a different side of myself. I've scrapped my outer shell in regards to trying to keep up with imaginary expectations that no longer exist. I am not in an office just for the sake of the stability of a pay check. There's more to life than bi-weekly payments, office cake, florescent lights, and benefits. I feel I'm really working for myself, and for that, it has incredible rewards. When I can keep up with the demand of life's responsibilities and show myself that it all came from something I do, and love, I'm sent over the moon with confidence. I've realized that I needed this, for a long time coming. 

Why didn't I do this earlier? A lot of people have asked me this question, and some have already given me some sass with the "told you so" and "it's about time." Yeah, yeah, I get it. *eye roll*  The truth is, I needed to find that confidence from myself, and for a very long time, I just had no idea how to approach it with the proper mindset of personal value. It's where I have struggled most through my years of doing art on the side. Now that it's a full time gig, it's a bit different. I can't fall back on attempting to make the world happy, because it's just not going to happen. I actually have a post-it, to remind myself, until it is firmly ingrained in my modest brains, "value what you do, and others will too." Simple as that. 

To scrap my hippie mindset toward advertising and consumerist culture, I have to acknowledge that who I am, and what I do, is a brand. Everything I post, represents what I'm made of, and it feels pretty good to know that what I've put out there is a completely honest expression of who I am. To think that it has gotten me somewhere, by being myself, makes me quite proud of what I do, and even more so what it does for others. I am a brand and I have to protect and nurture it, to keep it going. It also goes hand in hand with self love, which shows me my art is a healer. Wild. 

The next step to keeping the dream alive, is taking the cougar outside. (Yeah, I said cougar. My 35th birthday is in less than three weeks. I've accepted it.) Ahem, as I was saying.... With summer approaching, so are the outdoor events and festivals; which is perfect timing for making my public appearance(s). It's very exciting to plan and prep for, as it is an entirely new process within itself. It goes with all of what I stated above: rolling with the punches, planning ahead, keeping up with the pace, representing the props, valuing self... It never slows down, I never stop learning, and it never gets old. For that, I feel pretty damn amazing.

On that note, I'll save the rest of my thoughts for another post. This is a wicked fun ride you guys, and every day is an adventure, because of you! Thanks, so much. 

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