The person in my dream offered me a smile. I don't remember what they said, but it was as if they'd decided that we were still the friends that we used to be. I personally had very little interest; but they continued to follow me and talk as if I still cared about them. As they spoke, I studied their face, I watched the curl of their lips as they smiled at me, manipulatively. I recall questioning, in my mind, how this person could speak to me so frankly, when they were fully aware of why I'd have no interest. They continued to smile warmly, like they were waiting for me to bend. No apology, no acknowledgement, no remorse. Like an empty vessel. I couldn't relate.
I believe that people fear change, because of how others respond to it. Not everyone is going to adapt or agree with it, even if it is for the better. Look at the reaction that comes when a social media platform alters their design. It's amazing what some people will do, to stay where they feel more comfortable, yet, change is constant. I'd say that I faced a similar challenge when I chose to alter my lifestyle for the better. Not everyone was supportive of these changes, even if I was happier than I'd been in years. In fact, some acted out against it, and said I'd become selfish for putting it out there. The beauty behind this sort of process is that the assholes really do filter themselves out on their own. Keep smiling, even if it hurts. The ones who matter remain.
For a good while, in my dream, I didn't say anything in response to the blind being standing in front of me, talking as if I cared about what they had to say. The selfishness was apparent; their ignorance, thick. The imagery presented me with so much evidence that I'm making the right choice to leave this behind. There was false laughter that I didn't join, a pat on the back that I didn't reciprocate, there was even a goodbye that I didn't return. They attempted to use something from the past, as if to say that our history is what will always keep us bonded. Perhaps fond memories will remain, but the person involved will not. I cannot. It's already done. Instead of spend any of my energy on even looking once more, I walked into the woods, under the stars, without turning back. I don't remember what happened past that moment. I think that was point.
I woke up and gave myself a few minutes to breathe. I realize that I have been absolutely beyond exhausted for quite some time. Much of that has to do with acceptance, and the grieving process that comes with letting things go. I'm letting go of people who carry pieces of myself, which I am willing to part with. It's a moment of grief, of loss, of letting go of something that was once familiar. Change is an interesting transition of energy. It's heavy, it's hard; and yet when it's done, it brings relief and rejuvenation. For someone like me, it takes a lot to accept that this is what it looks like to move on. I see the message that my dream presented to me so simply, as if to say that I'm doing a good job. I'm embracing change by acting on it. I'm living with a new mantra, to keep on the right track, to embrace my own happiness, to break free from those who wanted to take it from me.
Not all things are present to belong.