my special friend

I need to exercise my writing muscles, because I'm having the worst time getting the words out, as I work on my project. I have a lot of catching up to do, over here. Blog Land, I have lost touch, thanks to Instagram. It's my visual diary/scrapbook without the clutter. Love it. Gonna try harder to pay more attention over here. Focus is on. Just for something fun, I thought I'd write a simple post.

The 10 Things I Love about Breakfast Jones:

He's.... special

He's not your typical cute dog, but there's something adorably ugly about him. Like a black and white Pac Man, or a pig in a tuxedo, that face makes me laugh on a daily basis. He melts my heart.

He's a gentleman

Well, a gentleman, in a tux, who farts on your lap. While he may be a bit more of a boy than a gentleman, he has some impressive manners when we socialize with strangers, on Whyte. I'd say it is the most common adjective he has received. My favorite statement has been, "look at the well behaved Boston Terrier." Yeah, he's got some manners.

He's a playa 

Breakfast loves to play with whatever he can find. His favorite thing is being outside in the grass, wrecking balls. It's my favorite, too. Wait, that sounds wrong.

He's lazy

While Breakfast might have the energy of a hyper-hypo, he is equal parts lazy. The warmer the blanket, the more likely he is to wrap himself in it. Sometimes, he goes missing because of blankets. He is also known to sleep in later than me, on the weekends... because of blankets.

He's a boy

Part of what I like about boys is that they're kind of gross. Breakfast farts all the time. We all know how I am with farts. I, like Breakfast, am a 5 year old boy on the inside. It's funny, the sounds he can make. We won't discuss the smells. That part is gross... like boys.

He's tough

He has a big bark, that often scares people away, and puts big dogs in their place. Funny thing is that his only defence, once you say hello, is to smother you in French kisses. The bark/growl/hair standing up on his back is all a front, but sometimes, I let him have his Kevin Costner moments of thinking he's my bodyguard.

He's young at heart

People always assume Breakfast is a puppy, because he has so much playful energy. He seriously loves to play. I don't know if it's the snorts, his body language, or his stupid face, but he always manages to get other dogs to play along. 

...even the old crabby ones. 

He's my muse

I swear there are times when he is actually posing for me. There's something about him that I find absolutely lovely. Maybe I have a problem? He inspires my eye, and I'm not about to stop taking photos of him. I'm not sorry if it's excessive. Doesn't help that he's black and white, like some of my favorite designs. Art dog.

He's a sunshine boy

Is it weird that one of the names I'd considered, before Breakfast became a thing, was Sunny? He loves to be in the sun. We walk for hours, we lie in the grass, we melt. I miss the summer, and so does he. It's our best time together. He's totally not a Sunny though. Always Breakfast.

He's SMRT

I don't often give him cred for being as smart as he... can be. He has never wrecked anything of mine, doesn't have accidents in the house while I'm away at work; he follows my commands (often without words), he sits politely and waits while I put his food down, holds still when I trim his nails, jumps in the tub on his own, appreciates my singing... I'm pretty impressed.

Listening to me when I call him? Well, that's a work in SQUIRREL!

He's the best way to start the day

What's great about my relationship with Breakfast, is that only he and I know about the bond that we share. He is one of the main reasons I get out of bed in the morning. He has helped me through some really interesting times, and we have both grown together in so many ways. It's neat to look at him, and see age in his eyes. I could get weepy about how far we've come... but that's for him and I to know. It's just sorta neat to see that I got myself a really great dog.

POOT! I love this guy... so much I found 11 reasons instead of 10.

note to self motivation

I find that one of the biggest challenges in pursuing personal projects, is maintaining self motivation. I'm going to dive into a bit of a therapeutic post here; to 'up' myself, to share myself, and to just let it out... confidence is necessary. I think a lot of us could use a shot of it.

I am quite insecure, to be honest, and from what my friends and family tell me, it doesn't make sense. I'm (words provided) talented, inspiring, witty, smart, kind, funny, thoughtful, pretty, sensible, crafty, curious, rad. It's one of those things, again, where the words matter most when they come from yourself. Compliments are more than just adjectives, and people don't just say them for fun. You really have to value these words, and understand them, to grasp what is really being said. Take the time to say thank you, maybe jot them down and look at them. Repeat them to yourself. Eventually, you may just believe them. It's like having your own personal Charlotte's Web.

To get a little personal for a second, this is my first time, in almost half of my life, where I am not in a relationship. I won't lie, when I say that it feels like I've come off of a certain drug, which I still crave and question in its absence; because I truly enjoy loving people and sharing with them. The trouble with my previous relationships, unfortunately, was that I wasn't quite offering that same love to myself. Oooh, profound, right? It's true though, and man, life is too short to deny yourself of the same sort of care and devotion that we can so easily offer to others.

Photo by, Andrea Beca. Instagram:@contessabessa

I have the tendency to feel quite alone, at times, and it's often during those moments when I seek care, love, comfort, or even just to hear the things that keep me going. I seek help when I need it, far more than I have through the years, and I also ask more of myself; to be kind and fair when I need the maintenance. Step by step, I'm inching each day toward achieving an incredible goal I never even imagined I'd think to pursue.. on my own. When you can enjoy your own company, you begin to see that it's okay to take those times to be with yourself and remember that you're not alone in this big world; even if it seems that way.

I had a bit of an uplifting moment, when I thought of a high school teacher who gave me the nickname "Talent." He told me, it was simply all he could see in front of him, and that I was going to make something out of it, without a doubt in his mind. I only recently recalled that memory, when I was looking for words to define myself. It's also when I started to consider the idea of waking up the next morning, as someone else. I asked myself what I'd miss or want back, and talent was one of them. It's pretty nice to admit that to myself, that talent is a part of who I am... maybe in more ways than one.

But, why is it that we don't always acknowledge our strengths so much as we acknowledge our weaknesses? And why don't we encourage those strengths, or even express them so openly as we probably should? Being proud of yourself is far from being arrogant, and I think that's what makes confidence so tricky. Some people see it as a target to shit on. Let them shit, because it probably means you're really good at what you do, and that you might even make it look easy. Not everyone is going to be your number one fan, and that's why it's important to be one of your own. For real, above everyone else. It makes a world of difference to cast it aside, and focus in the right direction. It's all you, and you are so not alone.

I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this post, but I thought maybe I needed to lecture myself a little in the field of self love and personal motivation. It isn't an easy task to stay consistently on top of your game, but it is an enjoyable challenge when you get the knack for telling yourself that you have something really incredible to share. It may not be with anyone in particular, but so long as you're showing yourself that this is what makes you who you are, it doesn't matter. Love what you do, do what you love; the fluffy stuff will surely follow.

passing the inspirational torch

After reading Scream Queen B's blog post, I thought I'd join in, by saying that I am -also- INSPIRED. Like the monkey from The Lion King said, "It is time!"

I was jotting down some thoughts, for a post, about how I stay motivated and inspired, and how creatives require the brains and souls of other creatives to keep those wheels going. Example: It won't be productive to sit down with your (Accountant) Uncle Glenn, and ask why you can't get your dinosaur painting to look right. He'll hand you numbers to calculate, and last time I checked, numbers don't work with creative motivation. I have never been a fan of guessing for the right answer. That's the roadblock.

I feel that most of my roadblocks present themselves in the fashion of trying to decide what others might think or expect from me; especially in regards to the process, and how it sometimes takes time to shake it out of your system. Do you know how badly I'd love for a technology to connect with the brain, by using a simple little button that says "print" just so thoughts can be presented the instant they show up? Imagine the possibilities.. and the piles of thoughts that would take up my living space. Maybe this is a good thing it hasn't been developed yet.

Reason keeps me from focusing on my natural process. I have had many moments of hearing a nagging voice in my head that says to me "You've wasted so much time." Truth is, there's no such thing as wasting time when you're learning in the process of reaching your goals. I have a number of projects I've put on hold, through the years, simply because I don't feel it's their time yet; like writing a children's book, or building stuff, or making a stop motion animated short of some kind. It's something I want to do one day, but not now. Does that mean I've failed? Maybe to Uncle Glenn, because he can't think past equations and finding the one and only solution. His opinion doesn't matter, though. It's all you, and what works for you, right now.

Being selfish is what brought me back in touch with my work. I've learned to say no to side projects, because I feel like my time is valuable. I work full time already, so when I add work on top of it, I fry out. I decided to start saying no to freelance, so I could make room for personal projects; which is important to a creative mind. We have to let it out, and face our own challenges, and express what's lurking in our complicated minds. That's why I started daily/monthly challenges, like daily moustache and @sketch_dailies. It's there for me to keep my creative muscles moving, and to also make habit of taking time for it.

Not every day is miraculous though, and I feel many creatives need to be reminded that taking breaks is necessary. I've been drawing for 300 years, and even I have days where I can't do at all what I want. "You call that a hand?" I have been paying more attention to when those days hit me, and it's usually when I'm mentally/emotionally and even physically tired. Sometimes I'll keep working, without realizing I'm drained, which is when I catch myself becoming outwardly frustrated. I need creativity in my life, but I can't force it down. Be fair to your brains, treat them like batteries and give them downtime to recharge. It's senseless to drive yourself into pouting fits. Creatives are sensitive and emotional beings. We just want to make stuff ALL the time, but we can't.

And now that my computer is on its way, I feel like I'm stretching my running muscles, to get ready for the biggest race of my life. It's going to be a very interesting challenge, with metaphorical hurdles that will want to get in my way. Whether it's the nagging voice, Uncle Glenn and his mind numbing conversations about numbers, or creative dry spells, I need to remind myself constantly... You're a creative, and you will always make amazing things so long as you take care of yourself. You just have to be fair, reach out to those who know how it works, and just let it out into the open.

Be INSPIRED and share your gift with the world. It just might inspire others.

it happened

I bought a shiny new computer today. It arrives in a few days. Thank you everyone who helped me make this face. I'm smiling hard on the inside, really. Shit just got real. 

movember

It's a pretty big deal to hear that my stepdad, Doug, successfully told cancer to go fuck itself. 6 years, and cancer free. Happy Movember, Suzie!