I am quite insecure, to be honest, and from what my friends and family tell me, it doesn't make sense. I'm (words provided) talented, inspiring, witty, smart, kind, funny, thoughtful, pretty, sensible, crafty, curious, rad. It's one of those things, again, where the words matter most when they come from yourself. Compliments are more than just adjectives, and people don't just say them for fun. You really have to value these words, and understand them, to grasp what is really being said. Take the time to say thank you, maybe jot them down and look at them. Repeat them to yourself. Eventually, you may just believe them. It's like having your own personal Charlotte's Web.
To get a little personal for a second, this is my first time, in almost half of my life, where I am not in a relationship. I won't lie, when I say that it feels like I've come off of a certain drug, which I still crave and question in its absence; because I truly enjoy loving people and sharing with them. The trouble with my previous relationships, unfortunately, was that I wasn't quite offering that same love to myself. Oooh, profound, right? It's true though, and man, life is too short to deny yourself of the same sort of care and devotion that we can so easily offer to others.
Photo by, Andrea Beca. Instagram:@contessabessa
I have the tendency to feel quite alone, at times, and it's often during those moments when I seek care, love, comfort, or even just to hear the things that keep me going. I seek help when I need it, far more than I have through the years, and I also ask more of myself; to be kind and fair when I need the maintenance. Step by step, I'm inching each day toward achieving an incredible goal I never even imagined I'd think to pursue.. on my own. When you can enjoy your own company, you begin to see that it's okay to take those times to be with yourself and remember that you're not alone in this big world; even if it seems that way.
I had a bit of an uplifting moment, when I thought of a high school teacher who gave me the nickname "Talent." He told me, it was simply all he could see in front of him, and that I was going to make something out of it, without a doubt in his mind. I only recently recalled that memory, when I was looking for words to define myself. It's also when I started to consider the idea of waking up the next morning, as someone else. I asked myself what I'd miss or want back, and talent was one of them. It's pretty nice to admit that to myself, that talent is a part of who I am... maybe in more ways than one.
But, why is it that we don't always acknowledge our strengths so much as we acknowledge our weaknesses? And why don't we encourage those strengths, or even express them so openly as we probably should? Being proud of yourself is far from being arrogant, and I think that's what makes confidence so tricky. Some people see it as a target to shit on. Let them shit, because it probably means you're really good at what you do, and that you might even make it look easy. Not everyone is going to be your number one fan, and that's why it's important to be one of your own. For real, above everyone else. It makes a world of difference to cast it aside, and focus in the right direction. It's all you, and you are so not alone.