week 1: what I learned

At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Is freelance really so bad? Not at all -so far- but it's still new and a bit scary. The fun thing is that I learned SO MUCH in my first week:

I was proven wrong, in one week, that I can actually get something out of freelance. This is a new sort of challenge to keep up with. Providing for myself definitely has its rewards. I feel pretty stoked, even a bit more confident, after only one week. I'm still terrified of the unknown, of course, but it's part of the fun of it... right? Who knows what this week will look like.. or what I'll learn this time around.

My creative peak comes to me at around 8pm, and it can stick around until the wee hours of the morning. 3am isn't a tough bedtime when you don't have to get up to be in an office in the morning. Sleeping in is about 9:30, and when I get up, I plan my day, make a healthy breakfast, and do some of my crafty things as a way to get my hands and mind working.. like stretching before the big run. It works for me, so far, and for Breakfast. He seems pretty happy to have me at home.

Because of how my days roll, I tend to go to the gym in the afternoon so I can jack myself up, shake off some pent up mind energy, and get my legs burning so that I don't feel guilty for sitting for extended periods of time. I do more yoga at home, meditate when I need to clear my mind, and I sometimes just get up and dance for the sake of having a good time. It feels good not to be sitting at a desk all day... though I'm still sitting a lot when I get working. I just don't feel guilty about it, nor do I feel I have to squeeze being active into my day anymore.

I think part of the challenge of working from home is that lacking human contact can make one go a little bit cray. Spending my days entirely with Breakfast can really chip away at my patience and my sanity, when I just want to converse with someone, or say more than just, "do you want to go outside?" in a day. I managed to join a crafty group of ladies, to talk about life as an artist and the challenges we experience. There's a funny misconception that artists compete with one another. I'd say we're out to support one another, because creatives are sensitive and we need emotional feedback. I'm glad I got to get out this weekend and enjoy that. The creative community in this city is what I love most. Open arms, everywhere.

Treating myself like a professional is an important task, because I know that if I don't fully believe it or take it seriously, no one will. Talking to my friends and family like I do with my clients makes me feel like a bit of a douche, but that's business and I need to be consistent. The more I make sure to carry my confidence with me, that this is what I do and this is what my time is worth so I can survive.. then no one loses out on the experience. I was great at selling myself short, for a very long time; which is where the experience goes sour. It's a challenge, but I'm taking myself more seriously as I go. Yo, pro!

I still have a sensation of feeling like this is totally wrong; to be drawing, and painting, and making stuff, for a living. I sometimes have moments of thinking that it's just too good to be true, and that maybe my world will come crashing down as some sort of valuable lesson that being in an office is where it's best to be safe and secure. Ha, dammit. Yes, I've had that mindset for years, but I feel that concept might dissipate as this continues. I feel super lucky to consider my home as my office, myself as a provider, my own boss, my motivator, my security, my kick in the ass. I'm on fire! I feel so crazy to get to say to people that I'm a freelance artist.. and that is all. I'm no longer a Graphic Designer and *mumble, mumble, illustrator, mumble, cough* I have no shame, I have nothing to fear. This is what I am, it's where I belong. It's what I do.


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