I can't really put it into words, how I've been feeling these days. It's like one part of me is so incredibly grateful for this experience, and can't believe it's real; while the other half is still coping with letting go of so many great things back in the place I called home for 4 long years. It's a bit of a grieving process, while yet, I know what I brought with me. I have great friends who aren't going anywhere, no matter where either of us go. That's beautiful, touching, and I tell myself to take it all in and let it happen. It's been an emotional time.
I went to Victoria (Beacon Hill Park) for the first time, today. Beautiful. I don't know if it'll ever get old, seeing the ocean up close, with mountains all around. I gasped out loud at some points, and fixated on a lighthouse in the distance. The coast is a dreamy and wonderful place. I could listen to it and stare at it for days. Hypnotic, meditative.
I sat by the shore, with my greatest companion at my side. I told him how lucky I am to have him in my life, in this moment, where things are so peaceful and just right. It's going to be an interesting adventure, and I can't put it into words how glad I am that he's the one who I get to share it with. These types of days are necessary, to get to know where we are, and see where we might want to stop for a while. It's weird to not have a place to call home yet, while this is the home we chose. We have a place to rest and stretch out, but there's so much to discover out here... and in ourselves. It's like a personal retreat, an emotional rehab.
As we sat together, I drifted into a week ago, when we first arrived on the island. I don't think I'll ever forget how I felt, as I watched the ocean surround us, on the ferry toward our new home. With so much blue to behold, I said to myself, "imagine. Imagine if you had never quit your job." It made me feel so proud of myself, to see that taking risks, abandoning the what ifs that stand in our way, can make such a difference. Life is short. Why not challenge the possibilities by jumping in? It's scary, but I'm learning to trust myself as I go; to face the anxiety, the fear, and uncertainty. How else will I learn?
After a nice walk along the beach, where we sat, there was a symphony playing in the park. It seemed a little too unreal that the song of choice was "What a Wonderful World." As I looked around me, at the trees, the people, the leaves blowing in the breeze, I took a deep breath of ocean air; tears rolled down my cheeks. I'm touched.. I'm overwhelmed.. I'm in love. For once, I'm giving that love to myself. It was overdue. What a gift.
I don't really know what else to say, other than to challenge yourself, change your beliefs, dip your toes in that ocean; just to see what happens. It really is such a wonderful world. I am so happy to be here.
Thanks for being here with us.