for real

I've been procrastinating for quite some time, though I'd say I've also been incredibly productive. I don't know if I mentioned already, but I made a promise to myself -in the new year- that I'd focus on my personal work. It hasn't been as easy as I'd like it to be, but it's coming together nicely.

While it's refreshing to do more of my own thing, I have to say that the toughest part of taking a hiatus from side projects and freelance, to open my time, is saying no. As a creative, I believe that it's necessary to do projects for yourself; to practice new methods of execution, experiment, and keep inspired, even if it means disappearing for a little while. I haven't felt inspired in years, so because of that, I had to step back and turn things off temporarily.

I'm in the middle of a transition with my style, where I'm longing for the challenges of traditional artforms (which I grew up with), to keep my mind and my hands busy with physical tools, using something less organized and restricting, and finicky as digital media. I've also made a list of things I want to change in my every day, and turning off my phone/computer is a big one. I think this will open up a lot of time in general.

I'd say that digital media has definitely stalled my work process, and my drive. While the internet is a source of inspiration, it is also a bit of a distraction that is crawling with incredibly talented people who do the exact same thing that I do. Millions of them. When you get lost in comparison, or even those funny moments of  thinking, I can do that, maybe even better.. it's terribly difficult to be real to your time, energy, and natural process. I think I lost sight of it all, to be honest. So here I am, taking it for a test drive.

In other news, as some of you already know, I'm in the process of making my very first children's book. I'm swirling with many emotions that include a bit of a see-it-to-believe-it, before I can say much about it. It's a big deal from what I can tell, I'm just not letting excitement, or over-anticipation, blur my vision.

With all of these emotions and life changes taking place in my world, I have to say that it's all coming together and making more sense each day. Life is short, but it is also slow enough to take the time to figure out what you need out of it, and make it matter. I highly recommend putting yourself first once in a while. You might be surprised where it leads you.