day 15: holy sh*t

When you're so numb from busting your ass and staring at a computer, there's no time to be scared of anything. I don't even really know what just happened, because it didn't look at all how I imagined it. Maybe I needed an internal soundtrack of epic dream fulfilling music? I dunno. It's similar to when you get trapped in an elevator; it just happens, you're in an elevator, and then it starts moving again. Without the suspenseful music, it's nothing to really fuss about. Kinda reminds me of birthdays: another day, anticlimactic, no parade, and something you try just a little bit to see as something different. I dunno... I'm so super numb. 

I tiptoed around the application process for a good while. Last night, I stayed up as late as I could, finishing up my animation, and then woke up in the morning only to go back to bed. My mind is tapped. I was fair to tell myself that working on exhaustion just isn't the best way to roll when something so big as this is sitting right in front of me. I wanted to do a good job, so I did. I pushed it out there and I'm finally done. I mean, I'm not done because I still have to find a job, but the task I originally wanted to take on is complete. What a strange sensation. 

So, what now? I dunno, draw a picture maybe. I haven't done anything mindless yet this month. Ever since I was given a deadline, I have been running on full tilt to make sure that I see this thing through. I have so far to go, in my mind, but I at least got the project done and out of my face. Am I happy with it? Meh.. but that's just how I am. I think it's okay to see your mistakes and know what you would fix or improve next time. That's the point of learning and growing at what you do. I gave up on being over critical though, because I needed to stop. I needed to tell myself that I'm good at what I do, and that I need to pass it on. So, there it goes, it's out there. Now, it's time to celebrate... or fall asleep on the floor again. It's very possible, and boy do I need a shower. 

Before I take off for the night, I just want to say thank you; for believing in me, for cheering me on, for kicking my ass when I wanted to pout and cross my arms, for telling me how awesome I am when I needed to hear it, for the words of kindness and wisdom, for every little thing that has helped me reach this point. You guys, you seriously destroyed my heart in the most positive and uplifting way possible. 

Group hug, I love you all! 

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