day 6: selfie entertainment

As the snow comes down outside, I decided to pull out my winter gear, and make my own selfie photo session; as it is my night off before a very busy weekend. It may be a form of procrastination, and it may even be a form of self reflection. Even if it's a bit weird, I know it is helping me get through the moment.

 I could easily sit down and be a grownup about this and ask what I'm going to do if things don't go as planned. Of course I've considered those things, but I don't have time to get caught up in them. When I catch myself crashing, I pick myself up by doing something odd and unexpected. A 15 minute dance party, a brief karaoke break, yoga, beer and a bath, a freestyle rap battle with my very confused dog. These things keep me on top of my game because it stops me from standing in my own way. Being weird has its perks.

I am glad that I know how to take the time to slow down, in between the moments of intense focus and stress. These artsy selfies are my way of taking small mind breaks, while still being creative. I feel more grounded when I can fiddle with things in between dissecting my thoughts. I value the silence that comes with the process, among the chaotic moments of voices all at once. We all need to rest and recharge. My mind is very busy, and I know I can exhaust it if I'm not too careful.

I don't feel it is wise to over think or anticipate things much further than right now. I do have moments of looking too far ahead, wondering how I'm going to deal with the fact that everything is going to change. Change can be quite startling, even if you know that it's coming. I mean change is constant, no matter what, but sometimes it has moments of being surprisingly disorienting. I don't think it'll do me any good to get lost in the possibilities of where my future may lead me. I'm only in charge of now. Impatience makes this realization a challenge.

Not every day is going to be easy, and I'm learning to accept when those days happen. I'm trying to conquer the world all at once, and it can be tough when things don't go completely as planned. I have so many things going on in front of me, it's necessary to take the time to stop, and get some distance, before jumping back into it. Crank the tunes, bust out some rhymes, growl at the camera, get a little weird, you might be surprised at how good it feels to escape and enjoy the moment. 

Right now, I'm doing alright.

No comments: