day 2: disguises
Shedding my disguise as a Graphic Designer, has become a really big eye opener, and how important it is to be honest to yourself. For 8 years, I have been calling myself something I'm not. I've been tucking my interests and passions aside, I've been in and out of jobs, bored to death without knowing why, constantly chasing this concept of what others expect of me, for something that isn't at all what I want to do. My current position is my longest running position in the industry, and considering it has only been 3 years, it paints a certain picture of how much I've struggled to keep up.
The voice of negativity wants to talk about reality and how we don't all get to do what we want to do. *eye roll. Imagine if we all chose to live this way, with everything! What's the point? When your life has been made up of one immense passion, and it is something you have only ever known and grown with, and something you've always managed to excel at and be recognized for, you NEED to share it with others and find a place to put it. If this is the only life I get, I sure as hell don't want to be talking about the jibs and descenders of my favorite fonts, forever. These black turtlenecks just don't look good on me. I'm not a Graphic Designer, even if I love pretty papers, and bold 'sexy' fonts. It's an interest, but not a passion. It explains so many years of frustration and moodiness. I just can't fake it.
It's funny to go back to my resume and figure out how to market myself as an Illustrator. All of the things I originally tucked under the rug and kept off of my resume, my hobbies and interests, and strengths and skills; they can come out from hiding. Seeing all of the experience I've managed to gather through the years, it's amazing, and almost sort of sad to think that I was hiding all this time. I don't know who I was trying to prove or make sense to. I just know my voice of doubt needs to tone it down, and just watch. I am capable of doing this. What a messed up discovery this has become.
I'm finding myself, and I like it. No more turtlenecks.